Tonight I went to dinner with the boyfriend. We've been dating since about November of last year, but the last few months have been tense. We argued- and by we argued I mean I got frustrated about stuff and he apologized- about little stuff, like me feeling that he didn't really show an interest in my life. He's 21 and just finishing his BA, and I'm 27 and just finished my MA and we were just at really different places. I felt bad that I couldn't stop myself from saying stuff when he upset me and I feel bad that I made him feel like a shitty boyfriend. Anyway, tonight I said to him again to please be honest and tell me what he wanted and he said he thought that he couldn't be in a relationship right now. I know he's right but it's just kind of sad. Anyway, we agreed to be friends and we'll see if that happens.
I am feeling better about my PhD prospects. I really want to go to UCSB even if it's not the biggest, baddest history department ever. It's got some great strengths for me-- a professor who does consumer culture and family and another one who is interested in the intersection of the Cold War and pop culture. And they have a public history program. Also the university hosts an Institute for Cold War studies. And it's Santa Barbara. Since I'm getting serious about it, I pulled out my GRE score from last summer to see where I'm at. I need to take it again and try to bring up my writing score. I keep all my test scores in this binder with college applications. It was kind of funny looking back on the letters from when I was applying to college my senior year of high school. I was waitlisted at Pepperdine. I wonder where I would have wound up if I'd gone there.
Anyway, now I'm kind of emotionally exhausted so I think I'm going to get ready for bed.